


(when you’re gone) it’s a cruel world

by inyourorbit



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, F/F, Rewind powers, super powers, super speed?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26154661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inyourorbit/pseuds/inyourorbit
Summary: Everything's just a blip on the radar.But not Jiwoo.
Relationships: Kim Jiwoo | Chuu/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Kudos: 42





	(when you’re gone) it’s a cruel world

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and kind comments are always so appreciated, thank you. x 
> 
> PS- TRIGGER WARNING right here for you. Mentions of blood, death, etc.

Jungeun sees red, blinded by it, her anger bubbling up from deep in her chest and filling her lungs up with a scream that she's not able to let slip past her lips.

_Jiwoo, no. No, no, no._

The denial echoing over and over again as if she's willing this to all be fake.

She knows it's real. There's no way she could dream up such grotesque scene on her own. Nor would she ever want to.

There's a deep and brilliant crimson red pooling around the girl lying so still - _too still_ \- on the cold white tile of the floor beneath her. Jungeun can't catch her breath, feeling as though she's suffocating at the sight before her. She feels so sick standing there as the blood clings and slowly creeps to the untouched area surrounding her feet, the slickness starting to mar the white of her sneakers.

And Jungeun needs to get far away from this.

So she runs. Away from a lifeless Jiwoo, away from the scene that she was just a fraction too late to, to stop it from occurring. Her legs picking up momentum to the point where she breaks through _something_ , a barrier of sorts.

And fragments of time start shattering and slipping behind her until shes back where she was. Back where she was _before_. Before Jiwoo was..

_No._

There's no time to think about it, about whatever the fuck it is that just happened to take her back in time somehow.

Jungeun just had to make sure she didn't lose Jiwoo again.

.

She's back at the start of the day. In her apartment, safe and sound.

"Jungie?"

Only one person calls her that and Jungeun's shaken from her reverie when she realizes Jiwoo is here. _Here_ right next to her, smiling albeit a little concernedly in her direction at the absent-minded look she's sure is on her face right now. But Jiwoo is alive.

Jungeun blanches, remembering everything. 

It _had_ just been a regular day.

And then the hallway was stretching out in front of her as she stands at the end of it and it seems like it continues on for miles and she wonders if it was always that long when she thinks of the time it took to finally get to the girl laid out on the complete other side of the neverending corridor.

"Are you okay?"

Jiwoo's watching her intently with worry written all over her face and, god. If only she knew it wasn't Jungeun she should be worried about.

"Y-yeah, listen, maybe we can skip classes today?"

Jiwoo smiles softly at her, settles in beside her before resting her head on Jungeun's shoulder, "If that's what you need."

_I just need you._

She doesn't want either of them anywhere near that school.

.

Jungeun doesn't know where this came from. This power. All she knows is how deep the desire to keep Jiwoo by her side is. How strong it was in that moment and suddenly she could just stop it from becoming real by running far away from it, causing time to start moving backward.

It made no sense. She knew how ridiculous it would sound to say it out loud to anyone. The notion sounded crazy to even herself.

But she wouldn't have the ability to save her if she wasn't meant to, right? It manifested when Jiwoo died. 

Jungeun wasn't sure she could even do it anymore, anyway.

Jiwoo was safe now.

.

It happens again. 

How did she not think it would happen again?

Tears prick at her eyes as a scream rips from her throat, when Jiwoo go down next to her. The girl's eyes are empty and lifeless and it _doesn't_ have to be like this.

So Jungeun makes sure that it fucking isn't.

.

"What do you know about time travel?"

Jinsol is lowkey the nerdiest person that Jungeun knows. Not a common thing that most people know about her, but they should since she's majoring in some kind of science and has the literal brain of a genius if people took the time to actually listen to her.

"Time travel?"

Jinsol looks at the younger woman strangely, the question unexpected and nowhere along the lines of the things they usually talk about.

"Like, what if someone dies and you can rewind time to prevent it? Hypothetically."

Jinsol shrugs, "It would be temporary. Hypothetically, if rewinding time was real and you _could_ stop death in a certain moment it would just occur later. Probably soon after, to maintain balance in the universe.

"If it kept being prevented, there would be other outcomes. Someone else would die in that persons' place or - maybe even bigger ramifications. In simple terms, chaos theory. One small change in once place can create something catastrophic elsewhere. There's always a reaction, always a consequence. The more it's prolonged, the worse it gets."

Jungeun couldn't muster up enough energy to give a damn about the consequences.

. 

There's the ticking of a clock hanging on the wall to her right. 

Jungeun doesn't think she's ever noticed the sound before. 

The faint _tick tick_ ticking almost as easy to not notice as her own heartbeat. Just a simple sound you grow so used to that it might as well not exist. The steady and rhythmic sound not having much meaning beyond keeping things moving, in simple terms. But it's important just the same. The clock could break but time will still be moving on. A heart could stop beating but the world would keep going.

Everything's just a blip on the radar.

_But not Jiwoo._

Jiwoo was so much more than just a passing thing in life. So much more than something or someone that would eventually be forgotten as everyone else pressed forward into a world that seemed bleaker and more dismal the more time passed. With a fleeting feeling of knowing that something was missing but not quite able to put a finger on it.

Jungeun refused to let that happen. 

.

Jungeun was _tired_ , she could barely keep her eyes open while simultaneously refusing to let go of the hold she had on Jiwoo. The slightly younger girl had convinced her to take a nap but she didn't seem to want to close her eyes.

"Jungie.." Jiwoo breathes out in a sort of whine, "What's gotten into you?"

She startles at the voice, everytime she hears it now it feels further away. With the knowledge that she shouldn't be hearing her voice at all, flowing right into her ears like a sweet sound. Instead there's meant to be silence.  
But she can't bear the thought of that.

"Just wanna hold you," Jungeun mumbles sleepily, lovingly and Jiwoo gives in.

There's nothing that she wants more than to keep Jiwoo close. Hear the vibrant, cheerful voice flowing through her being and filling her head up forever. The girl's melodius laugh calms Jungeun down like nothing else. What would her life be without it?

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

She doesn't want to shut her eyes if Jiwoo won't be there.

The redhead giggles at that, like the question is the silliest thing she's ever heard, "Of course I will."

Jungeun dreams of happy laughs and red hair, a blinding smile and warmth that only comes from a beating heart.

.

Jungeun wakes up first, her eyes fluttering open as the beginning of the morning sunlight peeks through the blinds adorning the window.

_She's just sleeping, she's just sleeping, she's just sleeping._

It becomes a mantra, a chant that's on a loop in her brain as she stares at the girl next to her.

"I love you," Jungeun whispers against Jiwoo's cheek, lips grazing the soft skin. It doesn't matter if the girl can't hear her. 

She just needed to tell her, like she has so many times before.

I love you I love you _I love you._

.

The call comes on a lazy evening, the sun almost down and casting a dim and dusky orange glow from below the surrounding buildings and Jungeun's trying to catch up on some much needed sleep. 

The generic ringtone she never changed when she bought her phone sounds out into the quiet hollowness of her bedroom rousing her completely from her almost-rest.

It wasn't coming easily anymore anyway, not without Jiwoo. Jungeun had been sleeping slightly better since her nap with Jiwoo a few days prior and every night since, the redhead insisting on staying with her. Who was Junguen to argue, honestly?

Jungeun doesn't even spare the phone screen a glance before she's holding it up to her ear to answer.

"Hello?"

"Jungeun-- fuck," It's Sooyoung, her voice coming out strained and frantic somehow all at the same time and she can hear rustling on the other side of the phone, "Jungeun, something- something happened. It's Jiwoo. She won't wake up."

Jungeun bolts upright so quickly at the normally cool-headed girl being distraught with worry and rattling off what happened in strangled breaths. Jungeun can tell Sooyoung's crying even through the telephone but she understood the gist of what she was being told.

Sooyoung and Jiwoo were supposed to meet for dinner that night.

Jiwoo had collapsed when they were walking down the sidewalk from the restaurant, toward Jungeun's home and only a couple of blocks away. 

They had been chatting and Jiwoo was fine and then she was silent.

She wasn't breathing.

Sooyoung called for the ambulance first. She kept telling Jungeun, wanting her to know she called for help first.

Jungeun knew it wouldn't matter. Whether Sooyoung called her or the emergency line first, it wouldn't make a world of difference for the fate Jiwoo would succumb to either way. 

She pulls her jacket on preparing herself for what she knows she'll see as she walks out her door.

Jiwoo had told Jungeun she'd come by her place after her meal with Sooyoung if she was still awake and wanted her to. Of course Jungeun wanted her to. She craved Jiwoo's company more than ever these days, it felt as if time with her was slipping through her fingers like sand and she could barely hold on to the grains though every small fragment mattered and meant so much.

She hears sirens from a distance as she gets to where Sooyoung told her they were. The taller raven-haired girl is crouched beside Jiwoo, her skin pale and eyes clutched tight but never leaving the other girl's side.

Jiwoo is dead.

As she takes off, not waiting for the ambulance to show up, Jungeun can hear Sooyoung calling after her. She's yelling for her to stop - _come back_ \- but her legs are moving of their own volition and Jungeun couldn't slow down if she wanted to.

She didn't.

.

Jungeun can't escape from the horrid images. They're present every time she closes her eyes now, even as she's dreaming.

She's seen Jiwoo die countless times.

It was more frequent now. Watching her fall. Seeing her breath her last breath. Getting endless phone calls.

 _Something's happened to Jiwoo_. 

There's always the tears and the conflicted, hollow voices.

And running. Jungeun feels like she never stops running anymore.

It's getting harder and harder to look at Jiwoo and not see her face drained of color, completely still and unresponsive. She hates it.

What's worse is the dreams start out normal enough. Happy, even. 

Jiwoo being Jiwoo and they're together and laughing and doing something completely mundane like washing dishes after dinner and Jiwoo's smile will be brighter than the sun itself and then it just slips from her face and the room goes dark and Jiwoo is gone.

.

Jiwoo's across the way, walking toward Jungeun, clad in a red summer dress and smiling brightly at the woman waiting for her on a bench.

"I hate that color," Jungeun murmurs it more to herself than anyone else, thinking it was said more quietly when she hears a barely audible gasp from the girl walking up to sit next to her.

She sees the hurt flash in Jiwoo's eyes and Jungeun hates herself a little bit.

"I-I'm sorry. You look amazing."

"You've always loved red."

She had loved it, that's the truth. 

Only then she started having dreams of kissing Jiwoo and tasting blood on her lips.

Red once sed to made her think of love, a feeling of desire fueled by an intense longing. It made her think of Jiwoo, in a good way. 

Except now, all she could see was blood.

.

Jungeun tells Jiwoo the truth.

"I'm-I'm not even sure if time is moving forward anymore," This was all too much of a bitter pill to swallow and Jungeun's throat was already hurting with all the words she was choking back.

"Sometimes I repeat the same days if I go back too far. I'll stop you from- from dying only to lose you again the next day. Or three days later. The longest time you've been with me since this started is eight days. But then you died, after collapsing on the sidewalk after your dinner with Sooyoung."

Jiwoo's been listening intently, her eyes are wide and watery from the tears she's not even bothering to stop from running down her face. Something in Jungeun's heart further fractures from this whole situation and she reaches out with both hands to lightly wipe the tears from Jiwoo's face. 

She cradles her face gently in her hands as if the girl is so, so fragile. But, oh, she is.

She's never liked seeing Jiwoo cry, but this is worse. Worse because it's entirely Jungeun's doing. This is her fault.

Jiwoo hasn't been aware of any of this the whole time. Hasn't known she's been dying repeatedly only for Jungeun to stop it just to repeat living through it again. A different way every time. 

Peacefully in her sleep. Heart attack. Stray bullet. Car accident. Aneurysm.

Any kind of way. It's all happened, naturally, or by some kind of fucking freak accident. Jungeun wanted to claw her eyes out at this point. A lifeless Jiwoo is something she would never get used to seeing, a thought she would ever find peace in.

It makes sense, Jiwoo thinks. As farfetched as it appears. 

Because what she has noticed is how tired Jungeun always is, dark circles under her eyes, and the way light doesn't quite shine through them anymore. She's mentally distant but physically always there, watching over Jiwoo and insisting on protecting her. But she's no more than a shell.

Jiwoo hadn't been thinking much of it, really, but Jungeun had been there every single time something happened that surely could've ended in serious disaster. In _death_.

Jungeun was deteriorating right before Jiwoo's eyes and she couldn't stop seeing it, now that she knew the truth.

"You have to let me die," Jiwoo whispers and it's too quiet. Or maybe Jungeun just wants to pretend she didn't hear it.

Tears are still falling down Jiwoo's face even with Jungeun wiping them away, kissing them gone. and tasting the saltiness on her lips. It's bittersweet but it's real and it's better than any life without Jiwoo.

Jungeun's head shakes in fervency, "W-what? Jiwoo... no. Absolutely not."

She won't hear it, she doesn't want to. The consequences are bad no matter what happens, but they're slightly better if Jiwoo is here and _alive_ with her.

"How many times?"

Jiwoo has to know. As if it makes any difference. And Jungeun long lost count somewhere after the twentieth time.

"Jungie.. you can't put yourself through this anymore. Look at you.."

"I'll be worse off without you," Jungeun sobs out, the reality hitting her square in the chest.

Jiwoo pulls away from Jungeun, walking to the shelf and tugging a very familiar photobook from it and turns to the first page, it's littered with pictures upon pictures of the two of them growing up together with different friends and both their families but most photos were of just the two of them.

"All these memories will still exist," Jiwoo murmurs, her mind made up and wanting to keep Jungeun's on something positive. Like the life they have gotten to share up until now.

Jungeun's mind was spinning. The past didn't matter, only _now_ with Jiwoo was what mattered. Too much was going to disappear and all she'd done would be for nothing.

"You have to let me go."

.

Jungeun knows that she's gone too far.

And Jinsol's giving her a fucking earful because of it.

 _The world could end_ this and _don't you understand what you've done_ that. Her words become repetitive and monotonous and Jungeun lets her drone on and on, letting it all fade to the background as she keeps her eyes firmly on Jiwoo.

Jiwoo told Jinsol, knowing that the science major is possibly the only one that can rationally talk Jungeun down from going through this more than she already has. She knows Jiwoo's choice, what she wants but Jungeun can't accept it.

That she wants Jungeun to just let her death carry out as it should have months prior.

_You have to let me go._

"Are you even listening to me?"

Jinsol's voice slices right through her thoughts.

Jungeun shrugs, defiant, "You think we should let Jiwoo die. I don't need to listen to you."

Jinsol sighs, her voice calm and slow but anything but soothing like it usually is, because her words feel like poison and Jungeun swears she can feel it penetrating her bones as it seeps right in to end everything she's ever known and loved.

"No, she _needs_ to...d-die to restore balance," Jinsol's voice cracks then, this isn't easy for her either. Jiwoo is her friend. She knows Jungeun is going to be losing the love of her life and if there was anything she could think of to fix it, she would do it in a heartbeat. This is all some weird ridiculous fluke that makes no sense but it's carrying the weight of the whole world on it's back. 

Jungeun's carrying the weight and she'll continue to even when all of this is done. Jinsol won't remember. Jiwoo will be gone. It's too much.

"Isn't this _my_ decision?" Jiwoo speaks up finally, tired from the endless cycle of an argument that was stretching on longer than she has the patience for.

"No," Jungeun bites out more harshly than she meant to, shaking her head before switching up her tone, "I love you too much to let you die."

Jiwoo steps closer to her, wraps her arms around her neck before pressing their foreheads together, "And I love you too much to watch you live like this, Jungie. It isn't meant to be this way."

Jungeun wants to say that _they're_ meant to be. Not whatever this cruel twisted fate that's been placed upon them. This stupid knowledge that they're not promised their lives together. Not even a week from now, or tomorrow.

Jungeun does think she could get away with this. Never losing Jiwoo, but she also knows this has turned into a life that's hard to live. No one should have to see what she's seen, and not time after time. But she'll still remember all the grotesqueness so what does it matter?

What matters is Jiwoo's choice. She doesn't want it to, Jungeun can't bear the thought of a long life without the woman she loves, but.. 

"What if I don't go back?"

"You have to," Jinsol's insistent, despite the pain clawing at her from the inside out, "To that exact moment."

She explains why it's vital she can't go back to any of the other times Jiwoo died after the first. Because she already had her powers. She could keep going back, over and over while then already being in the past. It would create a paradox and cause insurmountable damage.

It has to be the first time, in the hallway. When the power was something Jungeun somehow willed into existence to keep Jiwoo with her. If she lets this happen, she'll never have the ability. Maybe. That's Jinsol's theory anyway but either way, she has to let Jiwoo die and do nothing about it so time can be on the right track again.

Jinsol leaves them to themselves, sensing how much they need to be alone with each other. She says her goodbyes, hugs Jiwoo hard and tries to let it settle in that this is the last time she will see Jiwoo alive. She won't ever remember any of this.

"Jungeun, please.." Jungeun is sure she feels her heart crack in a few places at the plea she hears in Jiwoo's voice the moment it's just them again.

"Tomorrow... tomorrow, okay?" That's Jungeun's last request if they're going to let fate have its way. All she wants is one last night and the ability to be able to have one last _tomorrow_ with Jiwoo.

The last they'd ever have.

.

There's no point in pretending like this isn't killing the both of them. 

That in order for time move to on safely, Jungeun has to go back and lose and _everything._ That's what Jiwoo is to her. Her everything. 

She tells her so as she holds her tight, tells her how much she loves her and Jiwoo tells her right back.

When the sun rises in the sky, Jungeun kisses Jiwoo as though her life depends on it and she thinks that maybe it does.

"Tomorrow's here," Jiwoo whispers against her lips, "Don't forget about me."

.

Then she's back in the school, on the opposite side of the endless corridor, where the beginning of the end began and she watches her lover fall fall _fall_.

And Jungeun really hates the color red.


End file.
